Leveraging The 3-Step Confrontation Process of Jesus

Look at my servant, whom I strengthen. He is my chosen one, who pleases me. I have put my Spirit upon him. He will bring justice to the nations. He will not shout or raise his voice in public. He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. He will bring justice to all who have been wronged.    - Isaiah 42: 1-3 (NLT)

Miscommunication occurs daily, if not hourly, in the workplace and marketplace. Lack of clear and concise communication leads to miscommunication and misunderstanding, which can ultimately lead to confrontation.

Being a humble servant of God does not mean that you can’t be confrontational. The key is in the way in which you manage the situation and communication with the people with whom God leads you to confront. Notice that I emphasize here that we should be led by God in our confrontations with others as opposed to just being led by our personal agenda, anger, frustration, or other selfish inclinations of the flesh. If God desires for you to confront someone, He will send the Holy Spirit to encourage and guide you. And He will provide the appropriate opportunity and setting.

When we are led by God to confront someone, it’s critical that we approach confrontations in a respectful manner regardless of whether we are dealing with a person who is a colleague, a superior, or a subordinate. Galatians 6:1-10 encourages us to always seek to do good for one another and to confront or restore others with a spirit of gentleness.

Let’s consider our professional coach and role model, Jesus, as an example. Jesus was confrontational. The Bible describes numerous incidents in which Jesus confronted others, but He was confrontational in a respectful way that conveyed kindness, wisdom, and compassion. For instance, when Jesus corrected Martha in Luke 10:38-42, He did so in a kind and respectful manner, saying:

Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.

- Luke 10:41-42 (NKJV)

In this passage, Jesus employs a 3-step process when He confronts Martha by:

1. Acknowledging feelings and concerns (e.g., “you are worried and troubled”).

1. Sharing godly wisdom and advice (e.g., “only one thing is needed”).

1. Offering practical suggestions and examples to enhance learning (e.g., “Mary has chosen that good part").

Another example of the confrontation methods of Jesus involves times when He healed individuals who were blind and mute and cast demons out of others. The Pharisees had the audacity to question His ability to cast out demons without the help of a demon (Matthew 12:22-30; Mark 3: 20-27)!  In this particular case, Jesus used the same approach He used with Martha in confronting the Pharisees to help them understand how preposterous their questions and comments were.

In confronting the Pharisees, Jesus, 1) acknowledges their feelings and concerns by asking them a number of thought-provoking questions such as, “How can Satan cast out Satan?”(Mark 3:23, NKJV).

He then, 2) shares godly wisdom with them regarding the fact that “if Satan casts out Satan, he is divided against himself. How then will his kingdom stand? But if I cast out demons by the Spirit of God, surely the kingdom of God has come upon you” (Matthew 12:25-28, NKJV).

And Jesus, 3) offers practical suggestions to the Pharisees by clearly affirming truth and encouraging them to be with Him and not against Him, because this is the only way to achieve forgiveness and eternal salvation (Matthew 12:30-32).

How might you leverage the 3-step confrontation process of Jesus with your colleagues, employees, clients, customers, suppliers, and others?

Jesus is a living testament of the effectiveness of following God’s communication guidelines and confronting others in truth, peace, and wisdom. His three-step confrontation process of acknowledging feelings, sharing wisdom, and offering practical suggestions worked for Him, and it will work for you. It is a wise, straightforward, and powerful approach that you can use during those times when God leads you to confront others.

No Limits

But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.                      - Matthew 19:26, KJV

I love the way Oprah Winfrey captured the secret to her success on the last day of her show’s 25-year run:

"People often ask me what is the secret to the success of this show. I non-jokingly say, ‘My team and Jesus,’ because nothing but the hand of God has made this possible for me."    -  Oprah Winfrey, The Oprah Winfrey Show - Final Episode (5/25/11)

“I always knew I’d be a millionaire by age thirty-two,” said Oprah in 1987. “In fact, I am going to be the richest black woman in America.” Nineteen years later, with a net worth of $1.4 billion, Oprah has become not only the richest black woman in America, but also one of the richest people in the world.

This success has not come by chance. Oprah has made her fortune by setting clear and ambitious goals on both the professional and personal levels. “The big secret in life is that there is no big secret,” she says. “Whatever your goal, you can get there if you’re willing to work.”

According to Oprah, the biggest hurdle people need to overcome in order to be successful is their belief that there are limits to how much they can accomplish. Goals need to be set and set high; expectations need to be limitless; and ambition cannot be restrained. “If you believe you can only go so far, it is an obstacle.”

The Bible says that with God, all things are possible.  But, as Christian leaders we must establish goals that are first vetted with Him.   “Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty” (Proverbs 21:5, ESV).  So, make sure you follow the lead of the Holy Spirit in identifying the right goals, objectives, strategies, and tactics to fulfill the path that God has ordained for you (Proverbs 3:5-6) and to “press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:14).

When establishing your goals, make sure that they are SMART, which is the commonly used acronym for:

• Specific (i.e., be precise about what you intend to achieve)

• Measurable (i.e., ensure that your objectives are quantifiable)

• Attainable (i.e., make sure that your goals are achievable)

• Realistic (i.e., confirm that your objective is one that you are willing and able to pursue)

• Time-bound (i.e., identify the timeframe or deadline for achieving the stated objective)

Example of a SMART Objective:  To gain 25 percent of the U.S. market for smart phones by December 31, 2020.

As God’s ambassadors in the workplace and in the marketplace, it is perfectly acceptable to have clearly defined goals and objectives, but we must make sure they are established by God and remain flexible to His timing. For instance, don’t be tied to a specific destination with your business such as going public or capturing a certain percentage of market-share within a certain timeframe. He’ll let you know what to do and when to do it.  Wait for His perfect timing in planning and executing your initiatives.

When you commit your plans to the Lord and allow Him to direct you, your plans are guaranteed to come to fruition (Proverbs 16:3). The Bible says that if you obey God, He promises to make your name great, or enhance your reputation, and make you a blessing to others (Genesis 12:2).  Remember, no one has seen what God has prepared for those who love Him, and no one can change the plans of God (1 Corinthians 2:9; Isaiah 43:13).

Your Divine Mission

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of age.  - Matthew 28: 19-20 (NKJV)

The term purpose is generally defined as intention or a reason for being.  Your reason for being. God created all of us, including His Son Jesus, to glorify Him. Jesus acknowledges this when He prays: “Father, the hour has come. Glorify Your Son, that Your Son also may glorify You” (John 17:1, NKJV).  Therefore, our purpose as God’s sons and daughters is to glorify Him so that His “name may be declared in all the earth” (Exodus 9:16, NKJV).

On the contrary, the term mission is typically defined as an important assignment, vocation, divine calling or personal ministry.  Your divine assignment.  Your personal calling.  Jesus is a perfect example of an individual who stayed focused on God’s mission for His life. Jesus followed God and the Holy Spirit as He pursued His ministry.  Just as God anointed Jesus to do His work, He will also anoint you to do yours in the marketplace.

Your purpose precedes your mission. One way to frame this connection is to remember:

• Your purpose tells you why you were created (i.e., to glorify God).

• Your mission tells you how you will glorify Him (e.g., through your commercial initiatives).

Our Collective Mission

 Jesus tells us that just as God sent Him into the world to spread the gospel, He (Jesus) sends us into the world to spread the gospel.  He declares we are to “go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature” (Mark 16:15, NKJV).  This is our ultimate collective mission as believers.  For us as Christian business leaders, this means that we are sent to spread the gospel of Christ in the business world.

Identifying Your Personal Mission

In my book, Revelations in Business:  Connecting Your Business Plan with God’s Purpose and Plan for Your Life, I share a step-by-step process for how to identify your individual mission and connect it with the mission of your business.  And, the first step is to begin from within.  If you have questions regarding exactly what your calling is as an individual, then the answers are easily accessible. The answers lie within you.

When you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, God actually anoints you with the same Holy Spirit with which He anointed Jesus. “This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves” (2 Corinthians 4:7, NLT). This is reinforced by Jesus as He declares:  For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you (Luke 17:21, NKJV).

The Bible reinforces the fact that God’s Spirit lives within us in many passages including the following:

• “But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him” (1 Corinthians 6:17, NKJV).

• “And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living with you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who lives in you” (Romans 8:11, AMP).

• “That good thing which was committed to you, keep by the Holy Spirit who dwells in us” (2 Timothy 1:14, NKJV).

Ponder the following questions:

• “Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?” (1 Corinthians 3:16, NKJV).

• “Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?” (1 Corinthians 6:19, NKJV).

• “Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?” 2 Corinthians 13:5, NKJV).

Because God’s Holy Spirit resides within each one of us, you only need to look inside yourself to God, Who resides within each of us, to discover your divine mission. Pray for His revelation, direction, wisdom, and power to discern the mission that He has ordained for you.

Family Firms and Independent Boards

There is something about those of us who prefer freedom to security, and who build businesses with freedom to enjoy our work as a foundation stone. We don’t want folks looking over our shoulders, and we often translate that to mean we don’t want boards, and we certainly don’t want independent board members. It’s not uncommon to hear privately held company owners and CEOs talk about the painful experiences of trying to put advisory or governing boards together or to realize the benefit. What is uncommon is for those same owners and CEOs to recognize the problem may just have been centered in their inadequate recruitment, preparation and participation.

A highlight of this year’s CEO Summit at Convene, was a presentation by David C. Bentall, who shared the painful story of a substantial, family-owned business empire torn apart by the very people who grew it, blind to their own deficits until it was too late. Bentall has now devoted himself to helping other family-owned businesses manage their succession with greater aplomb. His book, Leaving a Legacy: Navigating Family Business SUCCESSion, is an excellent guiding resource, especially for family businesses moving into a second generation of leadership and beyond.

A centerpiece to it working well, according to Bentall, is a compensated, governing, well-prepared and independent board. This is very different than recruiting cronies and family members exclusively.  And…when such a board is in place, regular and high-priority meetings among family members, and their spouses, are also a must.

Pushing for this often brings the rolling of eyes and verbal protests. And yet, the burden of proof rests on the protestor. In lieu of following these best practices, how are they living as a steward of the company they are building? How can they claim to be so wise when they keep foregoing the laying of the long-term foundation to guide a company beyond their leadership?

When Leaders "Try"

As a leader, what do your words reveal about your commitment?

When my kids were young, I was fully dedicated to my career. I had made it a higher priority than my own family and even my health. On weekends (well, Sundays, which was all the weekends I thought I could spare), all I wanted to do was spend time recovering mentally and physically from my hard work all week.

My kids, Jennifer and Chris, had other ideas. They would often come to me and ask if we could do things together as a family that day. My standard answer was, "We'll see." After getting this response on a fairly regular basis, I overhead Jennifer, the older of the two, tell Chris one day that "we'll see" meant "no." Based on my past behavior, my kids were smart enough to translate what I thought was a non-committal answer into what it really meant - "no."

Recently I spent some time on the phone with a leader I had met just some months before. I'm a member of a select group of leaders who have invested both time and money into learning from some of the best leaders in the world through a  monthly conference call. We also spend time one-on-one sharing best leadership practices. On the phone with my new friend, we talked about leadership in our respective companies and discussed our leadership teams. Well into the conversation, my leadership partner asked if she could provide some feedback on what she had observed. "Yes, please do," I replied.

Her first observation was positive reinforcement. She had not heard the word "but" during my entire description of the leadership within our company. She explained how the senior leadership time of her company had thrown their energy into changing the mindset of their leaders. One of their key focus areas was changing the language their leaders used. The first example she shared was their practice of asking others permission to coach them. They use wording that goes something like this:

"I sense an opportunity to mentor you; is it okay if I share with you today"? If the answer is "yes", they share their observation or feedback. If the answer is "no," they say, "Great! Have a wonderful day. I'll talk to you later." I realized she had just done that in our conversation when she asked my permission for her to give feedback.

Her second observation was not as positive. Basically, she "busted" me on using the word "try" when describing our company's leadership. I think most of my talking points had started off with, "We try to..." She very politely helped me understand how the use of this word really provides a basis for not doing something, rather than being a commitment to do something.

This was not my first exposure to the word "try." Early in my career I had been mentored about the same word. It was around the time Nike had come out with its slogan, "Just Do It." My mentor explained that you either do something or not; there is no in between. When you say you'll try, you are not fully committed to the action. You have a safe out to fall back on - "Well, I tried."

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the word "try" as:

"To make an effort to do something; to attempt to accomplish or complete something; to do or use something in order to see if it works or will be successful; to do or use something in order to find out if you like it."

There are several phrases that stand out to me in this definition: "attempt to accomplish," "see if it works," and "find out if you like it." When we use the word "try" in our conversations, the people we are communication with could receive our words within any one of these contexts. More likely, though, people will define "try" based on their previous experiences, either with us or with other leaders.

I am a firm believer in servant leadership and have dedicated the balance of my life to living as a servant leader and sharing our knowledge with others. We have implemented servant leadership in our companies and have created the Servant Leadership Institute to help others do the same.

Let's look at how others might receive my comments on servant leadership if I were to use these concepts of the word "try":

"We are going to make an effort to implement servant leadership at our company." "We are going to use servant leadership to see if it works or will be successful." "We are going to implement servant leadership to see if we like it."

Compare these statements to the following commitment:

"We will be a servant-led organization. I believe that servant leadership is the only way to lead and serve others, and we will be known as a servant-lead company."

Early on in our implementation at Datron, our leaders thought that servant leadership was just the latest "fad," and it would be replaced with something else within 12 months. Their reaction was not directed to  me as an individual, nor was it directed to the concept of servant leadership. It was based on the fact that the leadership of the company over the years prior to 2005 had spent a lot of money and effort "trying" different leadership styles to "see if they liked it" or "to see if it works." They never committed themselves to operating their business in any particular way. Does that sound familiar?

We have dedicated our lives to servant leadership. Over the past several years, though, the leadership team at Datron has drifted in its commitment to this practice. It's been slight and it's been subtle, but there has been a drift. Several leaders were brought in from outside the company, including a new CEO. The on boarding of these new leaders in a servant-led organization leadership. In reality, this culture or mission drift happens in all companies, but that doesn't mean it has to be permanent. (I would suggest you read a book called Mission Drift by Peter Greer and Chris Horst to fully understand this concept.)

As I was listening to my new friend, who served me in the best way, politely "busting" my leadership language, I realized that this little change in my language - and hence in my thinking and that of my team - was hindering our company's ability to recover from the culture drift that had happened over the past several years. The language I was using was limiting our team's commitment to stop the culture drift by refocusing on our original mission and purpose.

I took over eight pages of notes during out hour-long phone conversation. I am still "thinking about my own thinking" - about the words I use as the CEO, about their impact on others, and about the mindset I have on the language of a servant leader.

Where do you stand as a leader? Are you fully committed to a leadership style? How do those you influence translate the words you say as a leader? Do you use words like "we'll see" or "we're going to try..."?

In the end, leaders need to show their commitment to those we influence. Our message must be clear. When we're in a senior leadership position, our words send messages to others that reveal the level of our commitment to serve them. I am thankful for this leader's servant heart. Those I serve will feel her leadership influence through seeing a change in my behavior.

Servant leaders understand that our learning will never end. Living your life for the sake of others requires a commitment to reflect on your own behavior before you look at others'.